Reflection
There is no way to write about my sophomore year in just one entry. It felt eternal, yet the first day of fall term could have been yesterday. It has been exhausting and challenging and overwhelming, but it may be my favorite year of school thus far. Here’s why.
I began the Fall 2020 semester with high expectations: I was going to see my friends in our virtual studios every day, work and volunteer every weekend, breeze through co-op applications, and land my first design co-op at P&G. While I was excited to get back to school mode, I got burnt out pretty quickly. I was involved in way too many things at once, and I felt torn because there was nothing I wanted to give up in favor of more time for myself. Meetings for DAAP Tribunal, Democracy Matters, portfolio reviews, and co-op preparation soon filled my time after class each day. I committed to both a French and a psychology minor, and made bigger plans to earn a French major as well. I was going to do it all...and I basically did, but I wasn’t happy. I finished the semester feeling good about what I had accomplished, but also feeling like it still wasn’t enough.
The spring semester would be better, though, right? It definitely was, but I don’t think I saw it at first. I have to admit that it was impressive on paper. Co-op #1, plus a continued position working on UHP’s website and social media, plus weekly shifts at Old Navy, and then nine credit hours of French classes to work on my minor...oh, and a few UC organizations too. This was when I really felt burnt out, and when I realized that maybe I’m too good at time management. An odd thought, I know, but every time I added something new, it made me feel more relevant, more hirable, more accomplished...whatever. I hit a lot of breaking points, yet somehow I still could not fathom doing less.
So I made a point to do more for Claire. I met friends for coffee, but I also cancelled plans in favor of reading Gone with the Wind or watching New Girl (it’s a big range). I worked six days a week (or even seven, for five weeks in a row), but I also made a point to go places and get to know Cincinnati more when the world began to open back up. I did yoga in the mornings before work or class — sometimes five days a week! And that was when I realized how much happier I was when I had the time to distance myself from work and school. I dropped psychology, cut down on summer classes, and decided that two jobs during school was more than enough. It took a lot of convincing from my friends and family, but I did get there. I’ve become infinitely more self-aware and open about my mental health. I think in some ways I needed to stretch myself too thin to realize where my limits really are.
And on the next episode of “Things I Should Have Made Into an Honors Experience But Didn’t,” I learned how to blow glass during my co-op and I planned a whole roadtrip to European cities in Ohio, because the inability to travel only makes me want to do it more. Oddly enough, my new pandemic lifestyle brought a lot of really fun opportunities that wouldn’t have been possible in the same way in a typical semester.
I’m coming out of this school year feeling a lot older than I did at the beginning. The past two terms tested my limits, and at times pushed me past them. In the end, I’m excited to experience the rest of my summer semester...even though being remote means that I won’t get my birthday wish of turning twenty in DAAP. I’m excited to move into my (first!) apartment in August, and I’m excited to find my next co-op. We’ll see what happens from here!